Day 1

As a 26 year women, I've never been single for more than a week. That is not an accomplishment that I am proud of or that anyone should be. That type of life prohibits one from learning who their true self is. Sadly, I have to admit that this has been my case, but that now, I am ready to break the cycle. I have one person to silently thank for this transition.

This is the deal. I'm not a great writer or even a good writer for that matter, but I'm on this mission to help myself. I believe that in writing about my first experiences as a single women and my life in general, I will be able to see the real, true self that I am. Not what someone has always wanted me to be or what I thought I needed to be in order to be accepted. All I really need and all that really matters is that I accept me. I'm looking forward to this adventure, but at the same time I'm terrified of being alone. I have no freaking idea of how to do this. As I go through each day, I will turn to this blog to tell about my life and vent my frustrations. I am sure that somewhere along the line, not only will I realize who I truly am, but if there is anyone out there, they will too.

Here's my dating life up until this point in short detail. I grew up on the east coast all my life and then picked up and moved to Texas almost four years ago. Texans like to joke with me and tell me, "well you got here as quick as you could". Texans are the proudest people I know. Anyway, I dated a guy since the age of 13 to 19, dated a few guys here and there, I married at 21, divorced at 22, got engaged at 24, broke that off a few months later, then entered into another long term relationship that just ended last October/November. I then entered the same cycle again and dated a guy for a bit. That just recently ended, unfortunately, and now here I am. Although I have had two guys ask me out, I politely declined as I can see what my problem is. I have no idea what I want or what I am looking for because I have no idea who I am. What the heck was I doing to myself all this time? I have suffered more heartbreak and disappoint than most people I know, all thanks to myself. This is going to be a long road, specifically, 365 days of a long road.

The first thing that I have learned since being alone, is that I am the most impatient person on this planet!! That is bad and I mean bad. I am going to practice patience and try and relinquish some of the control I think I have on my life. Think being the operative word. Practice patience every day.

Also, I am using exercise as one of my avenues to vent. This way I make exercise a crutch for me and not necessarily another guy. That's the worst, having a no- so-good crutch to lean on, because that doesn't help you when you are trying to learn to be alone, romantically.

So, um yeah, that's it for now. I am sure that this will be rough at first, but maybe I can really get going and learn to write an interesting blog that's full of information to help me.

Cheers,

Single in San Marcos