Day Two

So I've realized a few things in the last twenty-four hours. Once you start to tell people that you're actually taking a real sabbatical from relationships, they all of a sudden have the best advice about the opposite sex and love. Please people, I'm serious when I say, "I'm on a sabbatical, but thank you anyways." I wish their response was one of genuine congratulations and not one of, "oh my, what happened, what did you do?", like something atomic and tragic must have occurred. Well to be fair something tragic has been happening. I lost my true self in men and relationships. One other thing that I have realized is that since you are mostly depending on yourself to entertain you, it gets old real quick. I mean I love to read books, watch television, web surf, etc like any good American, but honestly, I can only take so much solitary time right now. I don't have too many real friends here, because well, it's difficult to make some when you are a twenty-six year old undergraduate student surrounded by mostly minors and immature twenty-one and twenty-two year old that think they know all there is to life.

Enough complaining. I'm too good at that already and that's not why I'm here. I'm here to get down to the good stuff. Me.

I've been contemplating what's the best method on how not to think of guys/men and the ones of my recent past. This is truly a difficult task. I'm not under the false impression that I can just stop thinking about them, but I'm trying to find tools in order to help divert my attention and get used to thinking about me. I want to get in the habit of thinking about who am I, what do I want from this life, and how do I get that? I guess the real question at hand is the same question everyone else has, "What is my purpose and why am I here?" Okay, yeah, that's two questions.

I'm a girl who likes to drink hot tea at night, sleep with a teddy bear, still, and hit the snooze button, like a hundred times in the morning. Which, by the way, is one of my New Year's resolutions, you know to break that habit and maybe allow one snooze. No really, something serious and concrete. I'm a girl who is a hopeless romantic. Yes, for sure I am. I want yellow post-its stuck where I only I will find them that contain secret, sentimental messages from my lover and I want them to take my hand and give it a sweet squeeze just because. I want that stuff to last a lifetime with them also. I want our love to last an eternity.

That eternity statement brings up a good question. How do we know when we have found our "one"? One of my friends once told me that love is a choice, but is it just a choice?? I mean is that all it is, just a choice to love someone forever or not?? That just doesn't sound correct to me.

I'm frustrated with this whole love thing.

If anyone reads this, watch Hurt Lockers. It's a good movie.

Cheers,

Single in San Marcos